The brave new colony

It's been a while coming, but finally the doors of Port Melbourne's very own brewery have been reopened to the public. Just like their Bertie Street predecessors, the Colonial Brewing Company started life over in WA, but unlike Matilda Bay they're still an independent brewer with deep roots back in the Margaret River.

With poor old Matilda suffering the ultimate "craft" indignity of relegation to just one of CUB's messy marketing tools, it's encouraging to see the place in fresh hands. They threw a house-warming party to coincide with the start of Good Beer Week, and are aiming to open their bar every Friday night thereafter. I really hope we start to see some of their exiting new beers in our local bars and restaurants the rest of the week. Under the stewardship of the parent Colonial Leisure Group, you can at the very least expect to see their (not at all) Small Ale nearby at the Albert Park Hotel and Lamaro's in South Melbourne.

En Garde

Port Melbourne is hardly famed for its farmyard animals, so the sight of a portly chicken freely wandering the pavements of Rouse Street must surely raise many a neatly plucked eyebrow.

Although this hen actually seems convinced that it's a guard dog, as it barks a warning to passers by of what is presumably its home. Along with the private fish market next door, this is a delightfully nostalgic corner of town.

Southern fox

Slowly, but surely, the near total domination of great pubs North of the Yarra is dwindling. And a surprising number of those Southern upstarts are conveniently congregating in a small area between South Melbourne, Port Melbourne and Albert Park. The latest arrival is particularly symbolic as it is the remote outpost of one Collingwood's best.

The Fox has moved into the, classy but troubled, Montague that overlooks one of Melbourne's more peculiar junctions. And, to the raised eyebrows I'd wager of nearby St Vincent Place residents, they've brought a pool table, a whopping twelve taps of craft beer (and a further eighty bottles) ... and a grouse pub grub menu that deftly satisfies both the parma appreciators and vegos/vegans of the world. It feels a world away from the its Northern brother's rooftop outlook over the Eastern highway, yet somehow its inherited claret red walls and homely carpet fit this Fox very warmly.

Hidden treasure

Since providing refreshments for the Port Royal street party, there has been a steady increase in numbers of people undeterred by the challenge of actually getting to, what I believe is, one of Port Melbourne's greatest hidden treasures.

Not only does Matilda Bay have the widest (and most frequently) changing set of brews of all Melbourne's craft breweries, it also has the kitchen to warrant making a night of it. And, poms rejoice, they even provide that bastion of Great British pubs ... malt vinegar to drizzle over your hand cut chips!

Mains hover around the $20 on the menu, however there's a teasing nine dollar burger which, while not massive, easily outclasses the phantoms and legends of Bay Street. Moving up the price scale, the dishes become more adventurous, though still unashamedly beer friendly. With its appealing bare wood and brick expanded seating area the brewery/restaurant would be overflowing if it were anywhere near a tram stop. For those of us in the know (and with a bike) its kind of nice that it's not.

Sunset mimosas

The balmy evenings have made Corté a favoured spot for a Friday evening sangria; and rightly so, it's a genuine oasis in the midst of the bustle of Bay Street, with quality live music to boot. But, for the canny, there is an even better option...

Sat on it's own at number one Beach Street, Harold Holt has already carved itself a niche as a waterfront café with city credentials. And now, for two happy hours, on a Friday night they're offering $4 beers, wines and mimosas, with laid back melodies from the likes of No Strings Attached, all overlooking the ocean as the sun heads inexorably towards the horizon. It surely ticks just about every box there is.

Beers (bottles): Cascade, Carlton, Pure Blonde, Crown, Coopers, Grand Ridge, Becks, Heineken, Peroni, Corona
Wine range: $7 - $10
Parma: No, shared plates are more the thing
Gastro: Getting there
Tradie vs Yuppy: Could take anyone happy with table service

Backyard sobriety

Its inflatable screen may not be as big as the Moonlight Cinema's, and it is severely hampered by an 8pm alcohol curfew, but unlike St Kilda's Open Air Cinema it does at least wait for summer to arrive properly. Yes, the Gaswork's Backyard Cinema is back providing lazy entertainment on balmy Thursday and Friday evenings for the next seven weeks, although most would argue that it was a little too balmy this particular evening.

The program is hardly the most up to date and, with the season start coinciding with this year's Midsumma Festival, there's a heavy queer influence on the first few week's offerings. Nevertheless, like most things at the arts park, it's a friendly and laid back alternative to the bigger, and brasher, alternatives elsewhere in town.

Port Royal

Against the odds, the pocket of hipster heaven that bizarrely centres on an industrial service road around the back of Bunnings, continues to grow in confidence. Now home to the Salford Lads Club, Globe/Stussy/Obey and Uncle Rocco's Barber Shop, Fennel Street will very soon be hosting its inaugraul Port Royal street party come punk rock music festival.

Tickets are priced at $56.10 (including booking fees), which isn't as good value as Port Melbourne's previous street festival, but then that wasn't an 18+ event with beers and cider provided by neighbours Matilda Bay; who have themselves being getting bigger and better, with one of their loading bays now converted into a cosy dining area reminiscent of Little Rose. And helping to entice our North of the river friends out of their comfort zone will be Collingwood's renowned Huxtaburger who are sharing the catering duties.

TruGo or not Trugo

They may have cost thirty grand, but this year's festive silhouettes continue a creative trend unseen in Melbourne's other inner suburbs, this time playing on familiar local sights, including the quirky sport of Trugo quietly practiced in two locations within our borders.

My personal favourite is the One Oh Nine on the window of Vogue Avenue, however the greatest concentration of feature displays lies within the Thomas Dux section of town. Take a peek below the fold if you can't (or can't be bothered to) find them all.

Lawrence of London

It's not just Harold Holt adding personality to Beach Street these days. Over at Station Pier, the Blackbird café has just reopened as Mr Hobson, and in between the latest incarnation of the London Hotel is now formally known as Mr. Lawrence (at) the london.

It's not entirely clear why The London closed its doors last time around. It's food was superbly executed, if lacking in originality, and it was a huge improvement on its forebear. Perhaps for this reason Mr Lawrence has made relatively few aesthetic changes; even retaining the art deco light cubes, albeit with glass now following the amber colour theme. Although the newly stripped external tiles add to a feeling of a not-quite-complete renovation.

Nevertheless it continues to be a stylish yet cosy place for a meal, in an almost unmatched location across from the beach. Where things have changed, they are exclusively for the better. The menu now fills an Arabian sized gap in the Port Melbourne dining scene. It now also offers fantastic (Lebanese) breakfast at the weekends. And its taps provide without question the best range of craft beer in town (sorry Prince Alfred your reign is officially over).

Fantastic Mr Fox

The relative fortune of Nando's (which is currently up for lease) versus trendy upstart Foxes Den is partially reflective of the continuing demographic shift in Port Melbourne. However it's also an old-fashioned victory of small business over tired (and arguably saturated) franchise.

Because for about the same price as a pseudo-Portuguese "Supremo" chicken burger you can get yourself a quarter free-range Moroccan-spiced chicken, with one of ten wholesome house-made salads. It's healthy fast food, for a sensible price, and with a conscious to boot. In other words just what the gym-goers in the apartments above and around are looking for.

And this fox isn't just interested in chicken either. The menu also includes curry, sangas and gluten-free cakes, with sufficient options to please a sector of the market who'd never visit a Nando's ... vegetarians. With creative combinations like wild rice salad with lentils, currants & almonds, the salads are easily the tastiest in town.

Railway Hotel

Not to be mistaken for Port Melbourne's Railway Club Hotel, the Railway Hotel is one of a string of really rather good pubs on the Southern side of Ferrars Street. Its impressive beer selection is on a par with the nearby Palace, Wayside or O'Connell's hotels, yet this 1850's inn real ace is a unique charm that can't be bought in.

For starters it's a bit of labyrinth, with front and back bars, open fire, pool table and pinball, non-invasive dining area and function room, and a surprising beer garden tucked behind the neighbouring house. The décor, around the long snaking bar, is fabulously old school with a mixture of art deco features, pressed metal and linoleum all old enough to have become cool again. Out front a sign proudly proclaims it a pokie-free zone.

Renamed after Melbourne's second train line (now the 96 tram route) opposite, the pub originally licensed as The Napoleon Third, manages to be both a good honest boozer and an appealing place for the residents of the affluent Albert Park and South Melbourne streets nearby.

Centenary upgrade

Back in the day, patrons of the former Nelson Hotel didn't have far to stumble for their next ale. Heading 200m North they'd find the (Golden) Fleece, 200m West Meagher's (much renamed) hotel or 200m East the Wayside Inn. However what's not obvious, as you stand at the intersection of Montague Street and City Road, is that the closest hostelry lies in wait to the South.

Were it not for its famous alternating fireplace/parasol advertising hoarding on Ferrars Street, O'Connell's Centenary Hotel would be an even better secret. News of refurbishment of the traditional-yet-classy pub had many worried that the sleepy residential side-street pub's comforting charm would be lost in the process. However whilst black has replaced the vintage green palette, this is still unmistakably O'Connells. And whilst the up-market restaurant is now more clearly separated from the bar, the layout is basically unchanged.

What has changed however is the beer selection; there really is something for everyone, spread impressively across twelve different taps. Given that the nearby Wayside Inn was (worthily) crowned 3AW Pub of the Year, it's hard not to conclude that O'Connell's now has everything it's got ... and then some. The food is damn fine and the drinks selection adventurous, but then there's the peaceful outdoor seating and the warm inviting local's feel inside too.

Beers on tap: Carlton, Cascade Light, Asahi, Stella Artois, Guinness, Hawthorn Pale Ale, 4 Pines Kolsch, Moo Brew Pilsner, Hargreaves Hill ESB, 2 Brothers Grizz
Wine range: $8 - $14
Parma: $24 (although not described as such)
Gastro: Yes
Tradie vs Yuppy: Tradies not explicitly catered for, but not explicitly excluded either

Just like paradise

There are certain summers evenings when the bay is as flat as a mirror, when there's a few whisps of cloud in the sky accentuating the dying shades of sunset, and when the berthing of a modest cruise ship only adds to the palpable holiday atmosphere on the streets.

These are the evenings when even the most hardened cynics have surely to admit, this is a great spot to live.

Corté

Being described as having one of Melbourne's top ten beer gardens (although admittedly whilst also being referred to as "a guaranteed pants dropper" in "the industrial end of Port Melbourne"), the owners of the dual purpose City Tiler were never likely to struggle to find a buyer for the bar half of their quirky operation. Now that the SOLD sign has come down, the racks of artisan tiles looks set to be moving round the corner onto Rouse Street, leaving many wondering whether any of the artsy courthouse charm would remain.

The good news is that Corté, as the tiler is less confusingly now to be known, looks set to follow very much in the sophisticated Latin American foot steps of its predecessor. Gone, for the time being at least, is the wall art, the neon bar sign, the vintage ute, and the luxury sound system. But the array of Spanish wine and beers remains, served up inside on a long communal table with sensibly priced tapas, alongside a few more substantial dishes by the open fire. Time Out got one thing right; this is a little gem straight out of Seville, and Port Melbourne is lucky to be able to call it its own.

Main prices: $23
Beer range: Exclusively South American bottles
Wine range: $8-12
Quantity vs quality: TBD

Nagging numbats

After a rather lame attempt two year's back, the Port Melbourne Christmas decorations took an inspired turn for the better last year, with a street full of gold stencilled windows. This year that successful formula has evolved into an even more creative set of white vinyl, with each shop-front appearing unique. Even the vacant old Readings store has them ... which makes their absence from the likes of Optus, NAB and Witchery seem all the more Grinch-like.

The current wacky weather has helped diminish the absurdity of a snow-scape in summer, and this is eased further by the clever inclusion of native animals amongst the traditional reindeer, bunnies and partridges. It's hard not to notice the giant emu, but you have to be paying careful attention to realise that all twelve days of Australian Christmas have been accounted for (and that one shop's display is not entirely white)...

Cinco sentidos

Interestingly Port Melbourne's entries in The Age's recently released Good Cafe Guide lined up almost exactly with my own preferences, and they too thought that THE best place for coffee was this one...

It's nearly two years since unassuming looking Balderdash opened its corner door and it's fair to say that it's found a lot of favour with local caffeine addicts. However it's not just the lattes that keep this place bustling, the menu's pretty special too.

The big top

Disappointingly, you never actually see clowns walking down Bay Street, but the fact nevertheless remains that (for the time being) Port Melbourne has a quirky asset hiding quietly in the old naval drills hall.

For the next three and a half weeks it will be even quieter than normal, as Circus Oz have set up camp on Birrarung Marr for their latest show From the Ground Up. Ticket prices range from $92 down to $40, which is well worth it in my book.

Matilda Bay

With twelve different taps (one of which being given over to cider), the new bar within the unassuming Matilda Bay building enters straight at the top of Port Melbourne's best beer sampling venues. Their claim that it's a 400m walk from North Port tram stop is council-like fantasy (Google Maps makes it 900m), but that's still closer than the Cricketers Arms.

Situated within a fenced-off section of the working brewery, this bar is unlikely to feel incredibly cosy, but it does have an undeniably cool feel to it, with its fanatical bar staff and even three unfiltered taps fed straight from the vats. A decent wine list and coffee machine widen the appeal, so the main stumbling block to success at the moment would seem to be the wacky opening hours (it's currently easier to sample a beer for breakfast than for dinner).

Beers on tap: Bohemian Pilsner, Redback, Beez Knees, Fat Yak, Alpha Pale Ale, Dogbolter, IGP, Port Lager, Bertie St Porter and Abbey Collabey!!
Wine range: $8.50 - $11
Parma: No
Gastro: No
Tradie vs Yuppy: No Carlton Draught, but no pretentions either

Best coffee?

Port Melbourne has come a long way in the caffeine stakes in the two years since Spencer first cast his eyes upon it. It was probably inevitable that this city's lust for top quality espresso, macchiato and ristretto would rub off here. It's now difficult to get a bad coffee in any of the local cafes, but there is a premier league of five or so establishments who take the barrista's art to the fanatical level.

Choosing between them is partly a matter of personal taste, and partly a matter of who's operating the machine at the time you order. However if I had to rank cafes that are, in my opinion, Port Melbourne's best based on coffee alone, I think I'd have to go for:

Itchy green pants

Perhaps Port really has got it. A welcome opportunity to make its mark in the winding history of Aussie beer that is. Just in time for Good Beer Week, which starts today, the brewery that started the craft beer scene in Perth back in the eighties has opened its doors in the burgeoning industrial cool area of town around the corner from the Salford Lads Club and Globe skateboarding headquarters.

Matilda Bay is now owned by the Fosters behemoth, and their successful Little Creatures competitor Fat Yak now arrives on the ferry from Hobart's Cascade brewery. However the new Port Melbourne brewery, which has relocated from its second home in Dandenong, will be concentrating on smaller volume brews (like its inaugral Itchy Green Pants) which can currently be sampled in house until 3pm Monday to Wednesday, 9pm Thursday and Friday, and 5pm on Saturday. They do food, wine and coffee too!