Didyabringyagrogalong?

If you were passing Station Pier this evening, and thought you were seeing things, don't book your emergency optometrist appointment just yet. For the "New" Spirit of Tasmania was indeed loading up some two hundred "shitbox" cars, with pirate-dressed drivers, on the final leg of their charity rally to Hobart.

Decked out with crazy paint jobs and sporting cheeky team names like Trough Lollies, Two Dicks Outback and Didyabringyagrogalong, the officially sub $1000 cars had driven the road less travelled from Mackay to raise money for the Cancer Council. And with almost $1.5 million banked, it looked like there'd be plenty of well deserved celebrations going on overnight.

Fresh fish

There is something deeply endearing about there still being a fisherman selling his catch just off Bay Street, in the shadow of the old sugar work's chimney. It's perhaps all too easy for the great influx of apartment dwellers to forget that the port in Port Melbourne is only recently centred around cruise ships. Former mayor and local resident Janet Bolitho recently contributed to an poignant piece in The Age all about the decline of "old Port".

So it was interesting reading the 3AW review of the Palace Hotel, and the reviewer's classification of pubs as old Port and new Port. Even though the Palace is technically a South Melbourne pub, I wonder whether Dow Street's Doug Beazley would agree that it manages to embrace both old and new. I hope so, because it would be a shame for these long term residents to feel uncomfortable in their own, ever changing, town.

Landmarks in line

Grand Prix Sunday was controversially peaceful this year, with the hornet's nest of screaming combustion engines that normally erupts just after the Qantas fly-over, conspicuously out of earshot. Of course the hybrid revolution, and subsequent downsizing of Formula 1 engines hasn't yet filtered down to the V8 muscle cars that have been letting rip first thing each morning.

There was a new landmark for the jumbo jet pilot this year too, with one of the two Stothert & Pitt cranes that used to operate on Station Pier restored and relocated near to its original spot. Lined up with the outer beacon and starch factory chimney they make for a bold impression of Port's maritime and industrial heritage.

Expect delays

The Port of Melbourne's signs, warning of cruise-ship related traffic, are puzzling in a couple of ways. For starters there never really seems to be any more traffic than, say, from the daily arrival of a 2.5km line of vehicles from Tassie.

However even more puzzling is the apparently random selection of dockings warranting these signs. Never is this more evident than when the world's largest ocean liner arrives, yet the signs are for up for the turnaround visit of the 30% smaller Dawn Princess the next day. The Herald Sun had some great photographs though illustrating the scale of the vessel.

Operation Colossus

Typically on any given summers day, the expanse of water at the end of Bay Street plays happy host to some combination of swimmers, sailing yachts, kite surfers, paddle boarders, wind surfers and pleasure boats ... who generally manage not to cause a nuisance to each other, or nearby residents. And then there's the jet ski riders.

Despite the collision in 2012 that killed a swimmer, the hot weather still brings out the speed-obsessed show offs. Although this year at least the police are reportedly aiming to do something about dangerous behaviour.

Open top bus

Considering that in a week's time we will play host to the first of over sixty cruise ship arrivals this summer, those of us away from Station Pier rarely see an identifiable tourist. So the thrice daily arrival of a bright (and typically empty) red bus down Bay Street, with commentary on the former court house blaring from its open roof top, comes as a bit of surprise. However the inclusion of a liner in the livery gives a hint as to the perceived attraction of passing through Port Melbourne.

The St Kilda/South Melbourne Tour is a recent value add to City Sightseeing's hop on/off city tour. Although, at $35 a day it's a ticket in desperate need of value given that the main city loop follows a very similar route to the long running Melbourne Visitor Shuttle bus which costs a mere $5 a day.

For any tourists that might stumble across this page, may I suggest you save yourself some money (and have rather more of a flexible adventure) as follows...

Peaceful warriors

Of all the assorted vessels that dock in Port Melbourne, none have quite as turbulent a history as the Rainbow Warrior, the original incarnation of which having famously been bombed by French secret agents. Fortunately there were no frogmen lurking around the third incarnation of the Warrior; a purpose-built $28m electrically-assisted sailing yacht, as she glided in on Wednesday.

The guided tours at Princes Pier on Sunday, raising awareness of plans for massive expansion of coal shipping over the Great Barrier Reef, seemed particularly poignant as another load of aviation fuel was toasted overhead. Meanwhile across the water Sea Shepherd, the renegade offshoot of Greenpeace, limped back from their latest run-in with the Japanese "cetacean research" fleet.

Season's end

And so another season of cruise ship arrivals comes to and end with the Easter Sunday berthing of both the Volendam and Dawn Princess at Station Pier.

This means we should get another six months off seeing those strange Port of Melbourne signs that seem to randomly warn of traffic chaos for some ships and not others (when in reality there's rarely any anyway).

Bullish Mary

There was a noisy reminder of the "Port" in Port Melbourne early this morning as a swarm of choppers buzzed around the Queen Mary 2, like flies around a bull. Given that she first 'set sail' over eight years ago, the world's largest ocean liner has taken her time making her maiden trip to Melbourne. Despite plenty of advance warning of their arrival, the cashed-up guests were still given the trademark wonky welcome.

It was all very exciting for the TV news companies but, to be honest, she didn't look significantly taller than some of the large cruise ships that regularly sidle up to Station Pier. However she does have rather longer and more elegant lines than her ugly sister, the floating box that is the Queen Elizabeth, that caused similarly contrived excitement last year. Still, at least it didn't put people off their breakfast in the same way as the thought of a naked Ricky Nixon.

Water tragedy

The beach was all over the news for the wrong reasons again this weekend, in the aftermath of the tragic death of a swimmer.

A link to the map showing local swimming and boating zones can be found here. With the exception of the kite-boarding zone at St Kilda West, swimmers shouldn't have to worry about fast moving boats within 200m of the shore.

Port Melbourne protest

The Antiguan cargo ship Andrea has been conspicuously moored up at Station Pier for a few weeks now, and a scrawled message hanging from the deck (and weighted down by water bottles) hints at possible mutiny.

With the aid of a zoom lens it becomes possible to read the message "The workers united will never be defeated!". In smaller writing, something is "Here to stay!", but it's hard to discern what. According to the cruise ship schedule, they won't be able to stay beyond the 31st, as the P&O Pacific Pearl is due in.

Peace punt

Despite delivering a crushing blow in the supposed 125 year war with the suburb over the other side, today a new daily service commenced to allow energetic commuters to travel between Williamstown and Port Melbourne (well, technically Spotswood and Fisherman's Bend).

The Westgate Punt, which has been taking cyclists under the bridge on weekends for a long while now, secured funding in the last budget to resume a subsidised week day service, which will run for at least the next four years. It will cost only $2 each way from next month, and for this month ... it's free. Shame it's just a bit too ambitious a trip to take one of the new Bikeshare bikes over within a half-hour rental window.

Parping the horn

A nice picture of the ferry in the papers yesterday, courtesy of some debate about the federal subsidy of the Tasman transport titan. However it was a different scene today thanks to a Spillane eddy.

At least the ferry was justified in letting rip with its fog horn.