Swallows

The art deco exterior of the Swallows Hotel could do with some TLC. Sat as it is just before the tram crossing on Ingles Street, there must be many a waiting motorist that winces at the thought of what might lie inside such a scruffy looking pub.

However, like The Rose, appearances can be deceptive. The bulk of the interior is taken up by Rubiras, an accomplished seafood restaurant. The remaining slither of bar meanwhile is welcoming, in a grown-up sort of way, and has its own modest bar menu which includes what I daringly declare to be ... Port Melbourne's best fat chips.

Known for most of its 138 year life as the Southern Cross Hotel, the archives reveal a colourful history with numerous run-ins with the law, like this and this.

Beers on tap: Cascade Light, Carlton Draught, Pure Blonde, Carlsberg, Stella Artois, Asahi, Fat Yak
Wine range: $6.50 - $9.50
Parma: Nope, not fishy enough!
Gastro: Old school gastro
Tradie vs Yuppy: Neither